"I always pass on advice. That is the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself."
-Oscar Wilde
I've talked to plenty of people about their pre-college breakups, and when I do, I make an effort to be honest; most of the time, I feel like holding onto futile hopes is worse than having no hope at all.
It was only after last Saturday that I realized just how right Oscar Wilde was.
See, I used to pride myself on being a decent friend to talk to for advice because I'm realistic and rational.
It never hit me that the only reason I can be so rational is because I'm never talking about myself. I care about his/her feelings, yes. But no matter what, in the end, I'm not the one who actually has to deal with the problem. I'm just that annoying backseat driver that spews out logic and reasoning, comforting or not.
What I'm getting at is, the last two days have been a lot more painful than I'd like to admit. I've tried to comfort myself with my own medicine, but hell, it seems my heart just doesn't feel like listening to my brain right now.
Ryan, who is supposedly the stone-cold logician that listens only to reason, has rejected his self-proclaimed lifeblood in favor of his emotions.
I don't consider myself rational anymore. I've merely been that infuriating voice in the back of the classroom, blurting out all of the answers incessantly, yet suddenly going silent and quivering the moment I get moved to the front and have to deal with the pressure.
No, I'm not rational. I'm just as driven by my emotions as anyone.
No one is truly rational.
Monday, June 18, 2012
You're so weird.
I don't think people in high school school realized this, but I actually take it as a compliment when people call me weird. Yeah, maybe I'd rather be deemed "chill, awesome, super nice" or whatever buzzwords are flying around at the the time. But I know I'm not any of the above.
See, at the very least, being weird (and embracing it) means that you're not too worried about being different. And based on my admittedly short existence, that's the kind of person I tend to find more interesting.
No, I'm not a hipster.
It's eerily similar to why I also consider calling someone a dork to be a compliment. If urbandictionary is to be trusted, a dork is "Someone who has odd interests, and is often silly at times. A dork is also someone who can be themselves and not care what anyone thinks."
Of course, it's not like I've enjoyed the company of every weird person or dork that I've met. But you have to admit: in their own little way, these kinds of people have a certain kind of confidence -- a good confidence.
And I guess that, because I've met so many people with the other kinds of confidence (arrogance for example), I find the weirdos and dorks to be refreshing.
In conclusion, I'm weird.
See, at the very least, being weird (and embracing it) means that you're not too worried about being different. And based on my admittedly short existence, that's the kind of person I tend to find more interesting.
No, I'm not a hipster.
It's eerily similar to why I also consider calling someone a dork to be a compliment. If urbandictionary is to be trusted, a dork is "Someone who has odd interests, and is often silly at times. A dork is also someone who can be themselves and not care what anyone thinks."
Of course, it's not like I've enjoyed the company of every weird person or dork that I've met. But you have to admit: in their own little way, these kinds of people have a certain kind of confidence -- a good confidence.
And I guess that, because I've met so many people with the other kinds of confidence (arrogance for example), I find the weirdos and dorks to be refreshing.
In conclusion, I'm weird.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Romanticizing
"Or love in general, for that matter. It just leads to the idea that either your love is pure, perfect, and eternal, and you are storybook-compatible in every way with no problems, or you're LYING when you say I love you."
Yeah, I found the comic pretty funny, especially since one of my friends seems to fit into that panel quite well. But the mouse over text (the quote underneath the comic) was a lot more interesting to me.
To be clear, he's not saying that we should freely say the phrase "I love you" to just anyone. He's not trying to criticize society for holding something as finicky and abstract as love on a high pedestal.
He is pointing out the problem with romanticizing love. And by romanticize, he doesn't mean being romantic or mushy; he means taking love and running it though seven different hair stylists and makeup artists, then topping it off with a Photoshop session so that the end result is unblemished and, well, perfect.
- too perfect.
It's become very apparent over the last few months that we disagree on a number of things. But I'm totally fine with that; if anything, I enjoy it. It makes our conversations a lot more lively and engaging. As much as we like our opinions to be affirmed, a wall that just echoes every word doesn't make for very interesting conversation.
It didn't come as a surprise to me that we disagree on love and marriage. She believes in perfect, ideal marriages filled with equally perfect, eternal love. She says it's a girl thing, that it's every girl's guilty dream to grow up to find a perfect man. And I can respect that.
I thought about it though, and I realized that I've never really believed in perfect marriages or perfect love. For as long as I can remember, my opinion on it hasn't really changed one way or the other. But I don't think that's just because I've always been pragmatic my entire life, or because my parents raised me to be skeptical of perfect love.
I've never believed in perfect love because I don't want it to be perfect. I don't want love to be eternal, to be wholly unconditional and unbreakable.
Because if that's true, then what's stopping you from taking it for granted? Your infatuation?
Hah. Infatuation.
No, I want love to be fragile. I want it to be challenging -- a struggle, if you will.
I want it to be something worth fighting for - long after I already found it.
Because perfection isn't beautiful.
Pain is.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
To the inspiration of 9001 words
In all honesty, there really isn't much of a need for me to write on this page. I've been extremely open with you, and there may not be that much left for me to say.
But there are some things. The things that I, no matter how close I am to the person, simply do not have the emotional transparency to say in person. You already know that yes, I consider you my best friend, and in many ways, my only friend. What do I have to say is that, though we both say that yeah, we probably could have found another person to fill the other's place, it doesn't change the fact that, given how all the stars and dots aligned, you were that person for this young man, for this high school, for this time period.
Maybe you joined me on the other side a few years later, but even then, more than my sister and my mother, you've been the most influential in shaping my personality. I guess your peers really do mean even more in terms of maturation than the family you spend all your time with at home.
I feel that we both still have the most dramatic years of change ahead of us, however. Though at the moment, I genuinely feel like I wouldn't have become the Ryan Chow I am today if you hadn't agreed to do 7th grade drama with me, chances are that in the next four years, you're going to build an even stronger bond with your new best friend. And so will I. But there's no sense devaluing the friendship that we've built over the most critical part of our lives so far; though something else is inevitably on the horizon, I'm glad we've come full circle to learn to appreciate the present because of its temporality and fragility.
We've got our feet in the door already, man. We've both worked our fucking asses off to blow past all the bouncers, the assholes, and the thousands of other hard working Asian males to earn our spot in the house. But that's not going to be the end of our journey. We're going to climb up the ten million flights of stairs in that house, and we're going to rise to something greater. By the time we reach the top, the sun will have already set and the stars will have already come out. But shit man, those stars are going to be beautiful.
Thank you for the most empowering and influential friendship I've ever had,
Ryan Chow
But there are some things. The things that I, no matter how close I am to the person, simply do not have the emotional transparency to say in person. You already know that yes, I consider you my best friend, and in many ways, my only friend. What do I have to say is that, though we both say that yeah, we probably could have found another person to fill the other's place, it doesn't change the fact that, given how all the stars and dots aligned, you were that person for this young man, for this high school, for this time period.
Maybe you joined me on the other side a few years later, but even then, more than my sister and my mother, you've been the most influential in shaping my personality. I guess your peers really do mean even more in terms of maturation than the family you spend all your time with at home.
I feel that we both still have the most dramatic years of change ahead of us, however. Though at the moment, I genuinely feel like I wouldn't have become the Ryan Chow I am today if you hadn't agreed to do 7th grade drama with me, chances are that in the next four years, you're going to build an even stronger bond with your new best friend. And so will I. But there's no sense devaluing the friendship that we've built over the most critical part of our lives so far; though something else is inevitably on the horizon, I'm glad we've come full circle to learn to appreciate the present because of its temporality and fragility.
We've got our feet in the door already, man. We've both worked our fucking asses off to blow past all the bouncers, the assholes, and the thousands of other hard working Asian males to earn our spot in the house. But that's not going to be the end of our journey. We're going to climb up the ten million flights of stairs in that house, and we're going to rise to something greater. By the time we reach the top, the sun will have already set and the stars will have already come out. But shit man, those stars are going to be beautiful.
Thank you for the most empowering and influential friendship I've ever had,
Ryan Chow
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The first mother's day.
There once was a woman that was far wiser than most
Who, though her son rarely put away his dishes and tissues
Still prepared and buttered his toast.
Friends often asked for her advice, no matter her clothing or shoes
For they knew that unique to her alone
When it came to people she best understood the issues.
In a world of many sayers but few doers, she truly shone
Becoming known as a singular woman of decisive action
For her perseverance and open embrace of the unknown.
Yet her story was never centered on herself or her ambition
She wanted the best for her family, she would often say
Sacrificing her own dreams to help others bring theirs to fruition.
Though I don't say it enough, thank you for showing me the way
For it is you who has guided me to where I am today.
Happy Mother's Day.
Who, though her son rarely put away his dishes and tissues
Still prepared and buttered his toast.
Friends often asked for her advice, no matter her clothing or shoes
For they knew that unique to her alone
When it came to people she best understood the issues.
In a world of many sayers but few doers, she truly shone
Becoming known as a singular woman of decisive action
For her perseverance and open embrace of the unknown.
Yet her story was never centered on herself or her ambition
She wanted the best for her family, she would often say
Sacrificing her own dreams to help others bring theirs to fruition.
Though I don't say it enough, thank you for showing me the way
For it is you who has guided me to where I am today.
Happy Mother's Day.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Blind discipline
"Discipline is sacrifice. Yes, and blindness."
Supposedly, the life of a successful person
Is dominantly characterized by discipline.
He doesn't go to any bars after work.
She goes to work at 7:30 every morning, so she can maximize her productivity.
They both gave up five consecutive summers for summer classes and research.
That's discipline, we say.
Give up X and Y, and in return, get Z.
Sacrifice X and Y and everything else, for the sake of Z.
And hopefully, that Z is worth the price of the rest.
But will you ever really know?
Will you ever know for sure, just what X and Y were?
Or A? Or B? Or C?
Anything but that one and only, Z?
You can't know, because you've never experienced them.
So you plow on ahead with what you've got.
With your precious little Z
That you've given up so much for.
And over time, you force yourself to forget about the other letters.
There's no sense regretting the past, you say to yourself.
You close your ears to everyone else and their X's, their Y's, their ABC's.
You shut your eyes and your mind
And then you are truly blind.
Supposedly, the life of a successful person
Is dominantly characterized by discipline.
He doesn't go to any bars after work.
She goes to work at 7:30 every morning, so she can maximize her productivity.
They both gave up five consecutive summers for summer classes and research.
That's discipline, we say.
Give up X and Y, and in return, get Z.
Sacrifice X and Y and everything else, for the sake of Z.
And hopefully, that Z is worth the price of the rest.
But will you ever really know?
Will you ever know for sure, just what X and Y were?
Or A? Or B? Or C?
Anything but that one and only, Z?
You can't know, because you've never experienced them.
So you plow on ahead with what you've got.
With your precious little Z
That you've given up so much for.
And over time, you force yourself to forget about the other letters.
There's no sense regretting the past, you say to yourself.
You close your ears to everyone else and their X's, their Y's, their ABC's.
You shut your eyes and your mind
And then you are truly blind.
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