Sum

Sum - Forty Tales from the Afterlives by David Eagleman

Read it if you have time. It's mindblowing.

Memento

If I had to choose a phrase to describe Harvard, I'd say "the future."

For the most part, I mean that as a compliment.

I'm not at liberty to generalize Harvard students, but I think it's safe to say that we're always thinking about the future. We build our brains and our resumes for that future in finance or medicine or law or academia or education or journalism or business. We go into hysterics figuring out which of the above we would like to in the future, and predicting our future happiness or satisfaction with said career. We are excited for the future, and we love thinking about all the ways that things can become just a little bit better if we make an effort. And though we're humble enough not to admit it, we like to think that to some extent, we are the future.

It's easy to find a dream of your own when everyone around you has theirs (though it can be quite intimidating).

I just hope we don't forget how we got to where we are and where we're going to be. Because once "we've made it," I think there's a very real possibility that we'll have lost touch with who we used to be.

I understand that the whole premise of colleges like Harvard is that they are life-changing. But apart from the academic part of it and the career aspect of it, I think we tend to overlook the fact that our value systems are also going to change. Things like our political views, our perspective, our social worlds, and our culture are all going to be affected one way or the other. You don't appreciate classical music? You wouldn't enjoy a debate about the origins of morality over jasmine tea? You don't follow what's going on in the White House? Then how can you consider yourself a Harvard graduate?

I generalize and dramatize, of course. But I still feel there's quite a bit of truth behind it.

So here's hoping that when I walk across that stage, I'll still recognize the Ryan of four years past, sitting far away in the back.

I hope he'll be smiling.

Advice

"I always pass on advice. That is the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself."
-Oscar Wilde

I've talked to plenty of people about their pre-college breakups, and when I do, I make an effort to be honest; most of the time, I feel like holding onto futile hopes is worse than having no hope at all.

It was only after last Saturday that I realized just how right Oscar Wilde was.

See, I used to pride myself on being a decent friend to talk to for advice because I'm realistic and rational.

It never hit me that the only reason I can be so rational is because I'm never talking about myself. I care about his/her feelings, yes. But no matter what, in the end, I'm not the one who actually has to deal with the problem. I'm just that annoying backseat driver that spews out logic and reasoning, comforting or not.

What I'm getting at is, the last two days have been a lot more painful than I'd like to admit. I've tried to comfort myself with my own medicine, but hell, it seems my heart just doesn't feel like listening to my brain right now.

Ryan, who is supposedly the stone-cold logician that listens only to reason, has rejected his self-proclaimed lifeblood in favor of his emotions.

I don't consider myself rational anymore. I've merely been that infuriating voice in the back of the classroom, blurting out all of the answers incessantly, yet suddenly going silent and quivering the moment I get moved to the front and have to deal with the pressure.

No, I'm not rational. I'm just as driven by my emotions as anyone.

No one is truly rational.

Rage

Of all the random evolution stories from my Pokemon days, the only one that's stuck with me is that of Gyarados.

Here you go from the most useless Pokemon (it's a goddamn red fish flopping on the ground) in the game, and then BAM! at level 20, you've got this blue serpent of awesomeness.

So why is Gyarados so angry? I mean, for a Pokemon who just went through 20 levels of living hell, you would think that Gyarados would be pretty happy with the results.


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In a sense, we're all like Gyarados over there. We constantly craft our decisions and sacrifice our immediate wants in order to build up to some goal or achievement, but once we get there, things aren't as amazing as we had imagined. We knew it all along, but being the wishful thinkers we are, we still wanted to make sure that the pot of gold doesn't actually exist. And it never will.

So we get frustrated. And we get tired. And we start raging.

And then we start turning blue, growing whiskers and crazy spikes on our heads, and spewing out awesome yellow hyper beams.