The weirdest thing happened today in my seminar.
We were watching a taped interview of a patient suffering from depression, and everyone else was commenting on how seriously depressed she was. They were saying things like, "Wow, I didn't know people could think about things so coldly," or "She talks with so little emotion, it's like she's the living dead."
There was clearly the bias of knowledge (they already knew she was clinically depressed), but even still, the professor thought that their comments were fairly precise.
But eventually the circle comes around to me, and all I'm thinking is Well, shit. I thought she seemed perfectly normal.
If anything, she reminded me of myself.
I think of depressing things. But being depressed is another thing.
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Romanticizing
"Or love in general, for that matter. It just leads to the idea that either your love is pure, perfect, and eternal, and you are storybook-compatible in every way with no problems, or you're LYING when you say I love you."
Yeah, I found the comic pretty funny, especially since one of my friends seems to fit into that panel quite well. But the mouse over text (the quote underneath the comic) was a lot more interesting to me.
To be clear, he's not saying that we should freely say the phrase "I love you" to just anyone. He's not trying to criticize society for holding something as finicky and abstract as love on a high pedestal.
He is pointing out the problem with romanticizing love. And by romanticize, he doesn't mean being romantic or mushy; he means taking love and running it though seven different hair stylists and makeup artists, then topping it off with a Photoshop session so that the end result is unblemished and, well, perfect.
- too perfect.
It's become very apparent over the last few months that we disagree on a number of things. But I'm totally fine with that; if anything, I enjoy it. It makes our conversations a lot more lively and engaging. As much as we like our opinions to be affirmed, a wall that just echoes every word doesn't make for very interesting conversation.
It didn't come as a surprise to me that we disagree on love and marriage. She believes in perfect, ideal marriages filled with equally perfect, eternal love. She says it's a girl thing, that it's every girl's guilty dream to grow up to find a perfect man. And I can respect that.
I thought about it though, and I realized that I've never really believed in perfect marriages or perfect love. For as long as I can remember, my opinion on it hasn't really changed one way or the other. But I don't think that's just because I've always been pragmatic my entire life, or because my parents raised me to be skeptical of perfect love.
I've never believed in perfect love because I don't want it to be perfect. I don't want love to be eternal, to be wholly unconditional and unbreakable.
Because if that's true, then what's stopping you from taking it for granted? Your infatuation?
Hah. Infatuation.
No, I want love to be fragile. I want it to be challenging -- a struggle, if you will.
I want it to be something worth fighting for - long after I already found it.
Because perfection isn't beautiful.
Pain is.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Criteria
If you say
That you couldn't see him in that way
What do you really mean to convey?
That he's nothing more than a diversion?
That he's not a part of your vision?
If you decide
That you simply like having him by your side
What are you trying to hide?
That he's important, but not so much?
That he's moved you, but only a touch?
And if you conclude
That you just aren't in the mood
What instead will be understood?
That he's a flower, but not a rose?
That he's your doll, but undeserving of your prettier clothes?
I say to you
Fear the day
That you and your beauty, once again become two
For gone will be
Your submissive diversion
Your uncharming flower
Your forgotten doll.
Forget it.
That you couldn't see him in that way
What do you really mean to convey?
That he's nothing more than a diversion?
That he's not a part of your vision?
If you decide
That you simply like having him by your side
What are you trying to hide?
That he's important, but not so much?
That he's moved you, but only a touch?
And if you conclude
That you just aren't in the mood
What instead will be understood?
That he's a flower, but not a rose?
That he's your doll, but undeserving of your prettier clothes?
I say to you
Fear the day
That you and your beauty, once again become two
For gone will be
Your submissive diversion
Your uncharming flower
Your forgotten doll.
Forget it.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
ryan talking about love...lol
"The knight slays the dragon and then lives happily ever after with the princess in the castle, but when they've moved in together, they have to share a bathroom. How do you keep love alive in a domestic situation? What is it about that that dismantles love?"
-Ryan Gosling
KNIGHT: Honey, you’ve been in the bathroom for an hour already! Are you almost done?
PRINCESS: Excuse me, but I had to wait in that stupid tower for “an eternity” before you finally showed up. Who are you to tell me about waiting? (opens the door) Stop whining.
KNIGHT: Whining?! Who had to risk his precious body to slay that dragon when you were crying out?
PRINCESS: Don’t you try that again. You’re not the only one who’s slain a dragon before. I’m sure lots of other handsome men would have done the same – men that actually put the damn toilet seat down.
KNIGHT: For God’s sake, I’m a knight! Knights don’t care about insignificant things like toilet seats.
PRINCESS: Apparently, they don’t care about aiming for the bowl either.
We all know how the fairy tale ends – the strong, dashing knight in armor sweeps the beautiful princess off her feet and onto his gleaming white horse as they ride off into the magnificent sunset. As the story fades to a close, we see a heartwarming image of their intertwined lives in the future, complete with double rainbows, blue skies, prancing rabbits and a choir of birds, serenading the lovers as they continue off to the castle. And at last, we are met with the iconic phrase of fairy tales: “and they lived happily ever after.”
Or did they?
In the vast majority of fairy tales, the knight saves the day and then marries the beautiful princess. All is well in the Kingdom, for the monster of the land has been slain. The End.
Well, I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. and Mrs. Knight, but the story has only just gotten started. Remember know that fat, flaming dragon you had to kill? Well, it turns out that the dragon was just a little warm-up for what’s coming next.
Take a moment to look at your lover face. Study it closely. Try to remember all your "firsts" as a couple -- the first time you met, your first date, your first anniversary, your first vacation.
But eventually you will look into those same eyes and see not "firsts," but "lasts." The last time you would trust him to go out alone with female coworkers. The last time you would let her sign up for yet another credit card. The last time you would ever say "I love you."
By no means do I understand all the intricacies of marriage, but judging from today’s divorce rates, neither do the majority of first-marriage couples. As unromantic and vile as it may sound, love really isn't something that you can depend on to stay constant in a continuously evolving world. Perhaps in middle school and all those delusional fairy tales, love at first sight and blind infatuation are all that matter. But all too often, that initial spark of first love doesn't last.
Sooner or later, maybe those daily kisses on the cheek will turn into a somber “Hi” or even a mere nod. For every conflict that arises, a marriage based solely on romantic infatuation weakens. “How are we supposed to pay these bills?” “Why did you buy another designer-brand purse?” “Why don’t we go out anymore?” “Why can’t you put the toilet seat down?” In all honesty, it's pretty difficult to be romantic towards someone who is berating you for your mistakes.
Arguably, the real “dragon” that the knight must conquer is not that oversized lizard with fiery breath, but the challenge of building a marriage that holds to their wedding vows: till death do us part.
A marriage is not meant to be like some prepackaged microwave dinner that you can just buy and enjoy. It takes serious and dedicated effort on both sides to work, a requirement that some are unable to meet.
I don’t think it is “true love” when the princess finally meets her one and only knight and gets married right after.
Indeed, that’s probably why those fairy tale authors never included what happened afterwards. It’s too depressing to accept that true love isn’t about romantic infatuation, but about the perseverance needed to keep that initial spark alive long after romantic infatuation has phased out.
No pain no gain.
-Ryan Gosling
KNIGHT: Honey, you’ve been in the bathroom for an hour already! Are you almost done?
PRINCESS: Excuse me, but I had to wait in that stupid tower for “an eternity” before you finally showed up. Who are you to tell me about waiting? (opens the door) Stop whining.
KNIGHT: Whining?! Who had to risk his precious body to slay that dragon when you were crying out?
PRINCESS: Don’t you try that again. You’re not the only one who’s slain a dragon before. I’m sure lots of other handsome men would have done the same – men that actually put the damn toilet seat down.
KNIGHT: For God’s sake, I’m a knight! Knights don’t care about insignificant things like toilet seats.
PRINCESS: Apparently, they don’t care about aiming for the bowl either.
We all know how the fairy tale ends – the strong, dashing knight in armor sweeps the beautiful princess off her feet and onto his gleaming white horse as they ride off into the magnificent sunset. As the story fades to a close, we see a heartwarming image of their intertwined lives in the future, complete with double rainbows, blue skies, prancing rabbits and a choir of birds, serenading the lovers as they continue off to the castle. And at last, we are met with the iconic phrase of fairy tales: “and they lived happily ever after.”
Or did they?
In the vast majority of fairy tales, the knight saves the day and then marries the beautiful princess. All is well in the Kingdom, for the monster of the land has been slain. The End.
Well, I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. and Mrs. Knight, but the story has only just gotten started. Remember know that fat, flaming dragon you had to kill? Well, it turns out that the dragon was just a little warm-up for what’s coming next.
Take a moment to look at your lover face. Study it closely. Try to remember all your "firsts" as a couple -- the first time you met, your first date, your first anniversary, your first vacation.
But eventually you will look into those same eyes and see not "firsts," but "lasts." The last time you would trust him to go out alone with female coworkers. The last time you would let her sign up for yet another credit card. The last time you would ever say "I love you."
By no means do I understand all the intricacies of marriage, but judging from today’s divorce rates, neither do the majority of first-marriage couples. As unromantic and vile as it may sound, love really isn't something that you can depend on to stay constant in a continuously evolving world. Perhaps in middle school and all those delusional fairy tales, love at first sight and blind infatuation are all that matter. But all too often, that initial spark of first love doesn't last.
Sooner or later, maybe those daily kisses on the cheek will turn into a somber “Hi” or even a mere nod. For every conflict that arises, a marriage based solely on romantic infatuation weakens. “How are we supposed to pay these bills?” “Why did you buy another designer-brand purse?” “Why don’t we go out anymore?” “Why can’t you put the toilet seat down?” In all honesty, it's pretty difficult to be romantic towards someone who is berating you for your mistakes.
Arguably, the real “dragon” that the knight must conquer is not that oversized lizard with fiery breath, but the challenge of building a marriage that holds to their wedding vows: till death do us part.
A marriage is not meant to be like some prepackaged microwave dinner that you can just buy and enjoy. It takes serious and dedicated effort on both sides to work, a requirement that some are unable to meet.
I don’t think it is “true love” when the princess finally meets her one and only knight and gets married right after.
Indeed, that’s probably why those fairy tale authors never included what happened afterwards. It’s too depressing to accept that true love isn’t about romantic infatuation, but about the perseverance needed to keep that initial spark alive long after romantic infatuation has phased out.
No pain no gain.
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